Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
