i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
