Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
