THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
