how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
