hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
