Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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