um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
