This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
