seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
