No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
