where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
