Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
