They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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