im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
