It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Text me some of your sweat
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
