Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
