i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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