i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
