tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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