She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I party with great urgency now.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
