Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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