it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
