we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
