It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
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then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
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I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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