i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Come share oat with me in your robe
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