We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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