just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
