I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
