It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The Olympian is in my bed
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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