Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
