She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
