Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
