Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I need moral support for this bender
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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