If that was your dad, he is hot
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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