you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Is Oprah even human
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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