Porn is love you can see.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
