suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Randomize
