Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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