so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
