i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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