Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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