I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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