Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
