hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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