So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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