he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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