I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
