First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
