I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
