i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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