i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
