i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
