I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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