dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
