i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
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just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
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After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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