Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
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He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
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If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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