Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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