How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize