i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
